Defeat weird Japanese sentences! – 快適な手を楽しめます

Introductory text of rechargeable body warmer

Original sentence 1

FOOの繰り返し使える充電式カイロ（モバイルバッテリー機能付き）はわずか3秒で両面が発熱し、あなたの手に暖かさを届けます。

FOO’s rechargeable body warmer (with mobile battery function) heats up on both sides in just 3 seconds, delivering warmth to your hands.

*FOO: メーカー名は伏せています。The real manufacturer name is hidden.

Corrected to natural Japanese 1

Why was this sentence deleted?

あなたの手に暖かさを届けます。

delivering warmth to your hands.

Reasons

• あなた or あなたの is not used in the product description because it is obvious from the context.
• 暖かさを届ける is the unnatural phrase, but 暖かい[something]を届ける is OK.
• 暖かさ is the noun form of 暖かい, but it means close to “how warm” than “warmth”, so it is weird in this sentence.

Original sentence 2

最大の特長は革新的なLEDデジタルスクリーンで、温度やバッテリーレベルが一目で分かります。そして、ダブルのA級バッテリーが付きます。

The biggest feature is the innovative LED digital screen, which shows the temperature and battery level at a glance. And it comes with a double class A battery.

Corrected to natural Japanese 2

Why was this sentence corrected?

バッテリーが付きます。 →バッテリーを搭載しています。

it comes with a battery. →a battery is installed.

Reasons

• 付きます means “belong to” or “be attached to”. If the battery is separated from the product, it is no problem, if not, 搭載しています is more natural.

Original sentence 3

温度範囲35-55℃(95-131℉);あなたが暖かさのレベルを自由に決めます。2 ~ 3時間充電するだけで、4 ~ 8時間快適な手を楽しめます。冬場のハイキングや寒い朝の通勤にぴったりです。

Temperature range 35-55 ℃ (95-131℉); You are free to decide the level of warmth. You can enjoy comfortable hands for 4 to 8 hours just by charging for 2 to 3 hours. Perfect for winter hikes and cold morning commute.

Corrected to natural Japanese 3

Why do these sentences weird?

あなたが暖かさのレベルを自由に決めます。

You are free to decide the level of warmth.

快適な手を楽しめます。

You can enjoy comfortable hands.

Reasons

• あなた or あなたの is not used in the product description as I mentioned earlier.
• 快適な手を楽しむ is very unnatural phrase, because 快適な means the whole body and mind are comfortable. e.g.快適な旅を楽しむ is OK.